Tuesday night :
I was calm enough to have a discussion with john... and him with me... We talked until 5 in the morning about all the things that had been going on and why ... we yelled some but nothing over the top.. it would go from intense to talking and back to intense like discussions of this nature do... Basically, he felt caged... like i was trying to control everything and he had that in his last relationship and absolutely doesn't want any part of it in this one or any other... I respect that... and I see where my part in that could have created those feelings.. hey I'm not ashamed to admit when Im at fault for things too. I told him how his actions were making me react negatively and that if he would just come to me and talk to me about these things we wouldn't have had to go to this point.. He told me he does love me and I have been a blessing to him in his life, I talked to him about how I don't feel he is on my side, he said I didn't hear everything when Im not around and that he doesn't sit around talking shit about me at all that he tells his friends how wonderful I have been to him and how much he loves me for the things I have done and been to him at this time in his life..
We apologized to each other and have a better understanding of where the other person is coming from now and what their goals are in the relationship. something we didnt know or understand before.
we have decided as a couple to give things a month and see if we can work through them together now that we both know where the other person stands in the relationship.if things improve and we will stay together .. if not he will move out and I will move on...
there was alot said and i dont feel like typing a 9 hour conversation out but that was the basics of what came out of the talk.
we do love each other and i would like for this to work like it was in the beginning and so would he we were really happy then with life and each other... so that's what we are going to try to get back if we can.
Wed: since we were up till 5 am talking and didn't go to sleep till 6 am john called in sick wed and we spent the day together... something we haven't done in a long time.. we had a great day no fighting no going backwards and no people interrupting us...
another thing he reminded me of is something tony you have been telling me for a while and I was working on but haven't really achieved .. i have to have my own life too... i need to still be able to go out on my own or with my friends and do my own thing.. I do need to do this... when hannah came down the other day it was a lot of fun having friend time with her and getting out without him...it doesnt mean i dont want to hang with him but it probably is better to have times when your not together but with other people...
so thats where things are right now... we will see what happens.
8)
Have a beautiful day
anna
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8 comments:
Well.... Anna... how are you gonna do that if he has your car? I mean... You've got two broken cars in the yard and a dryer and your "man" is out partying... with the one remaining vehicle, which happens to be yours. So you can have your own life, but without your own car... makes alot of sense to me.
hes getting a car of his own and I wont be left without my car anymore... thats on him not on me. one of the things we discussed that night.
I'd take a long, hard look at where his priorities are.
im eyes wide open
Anna,
You have to do what makes you the happiest in life. You just have to remember to recognize that you are worthy enough to have expectations in a relationship and deserve to have those expectations met. No matter what happens though, we are here for you and are in your corner. ; )
Anna,
You know I love you baby but you need to remember, a man is a man because of his Duty and his Honor. I see no sense of either on John's part as evident by his negligence. He has neglected his responsibilities as "man of the house" in order to reward himself for what personal gains he has made at your expense. I am not impressed! Are you? Why settle for something less then a man when you know there are world-class men who would adore you?
At the risk of sounding cliche, do you want Mr. Right or Mr. Right now?
I hear what you are saying tony and I agree but I want to give him the chance to prove what he said is true or not so far the atmosphere has completely changed... the weekend is coming though I just want to see what happens.
im very aware of everything going on around me i promise.
Aware is good! : )
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